I saw this post a bit ago and kept forgetting to write a bit about it. This was a really interesting article for me to read.
This is the link from women's health that is referenced:
Here are some examples of what male responders said about women changing their last names:
“One family, one name. If she didn’t take my name, I’d seriously question her faith in us lasting as a couple. And I don’t want hyphenated kids.”
“I believe the purpose of marriage is raising children, and children take their father’s name (as a way of identifying paternity). Mothers always have a special bond, carrying their young. Fathers don’t, so [passing on our name] is our compensation.”
“Hyphenation is a direct “f*ck you” to a man’s masculinity… it elevates his father-in-law’s manhood over his own.”
On the other hand, 96.3 percent of Men’s Health followers said they wouldn’t take a woman’s last name if she asked them to.
Here are some examples of responses about men changing their last names:
“My name is part of who I am.”
“Call it pride or ego, whatever. It’s not happening.”
Summed up by the writer as: "My name is part of who I am. To change it would be unthinkable. It would be like giving up my identity. My identity is too important to give up. It would be a sort of death. So here, women, YOU DO IT. His identity supersedes yours. And any desire to maintain your "'single person' identity"—your you-ness—is an insulting affront to the institution of marriage itself."
Overall, I definitely agree with the author. Change your name if you want to or don't change it but whatever you do make sure it is something that is agreed upon between you and your partner, not something that is done just because.
What do you guys think about this name changing ritual?
I don't like the changing of the last name. For me it's symbolic of a man owning a woman. If I ever get to a point where a conversation like this takes place in my life I will either insist on keeping my last name or see if we can combine or hyphenate the last names. I like the idea of combining the last names because to me it's symbolic of creating a new family for old names.
ReplyDeleteI actually have been insistent since I was really young that I will not give up my last name of Grimes. My dad had two daughters (my half sister whom I don't speak with) and my sister has already married and given up her last name. For me, I am so proud of my name and wherever I end up in life, I will have gone by this name for so long with so much hard work attached to it, that I refuse to leave it. I have often made references that if I decide to marry, the man will have to either take my name or we can be married and keep our separate names. My parents were never married but my mom married my step-dad in 2009 and everyone was pushing her to change her name. Her response was simple: "I have been Barbara Urban for too long to let someone else decide that that person is done and a new one so to speak is starting. I am proud of this name and it ties me to my children as my two oldest children have this name." I want my children if I ever decide to have them to carry this name to keep it going as it is one of my most obvious ties to my deceased father.
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